The Longest Joke in the World. The Longest Jokein the World Lost in the Desert. So, theres a man crawling through the desert. Hed decided to try his SUV in a little bit of cross country travel, had great fun zooming over the badlands and through the sand, got lost, hit a big rock, and then he couldnt get it started again. There were no cell phone towers anywhere near, so his cell phone was useless. He had no family, his parents had died a few years before in an auto accident, and his few friends had no idea he was out here. He stayed with the car for a day or so, but his one bottle of water ran outand he was getting thirsty. Daily paper. Local, state, and wire news and commentary. Photo galleries, business and obituaries. Top 100 Fiction Books Read by ATOS Book Level Range With the creation and adoption of the Common Core State Standards CCSS, the notion of text complexity. Eisner Awards Cartoonists from Singapore, Canada and Capitol Hill win big at the Oscars of comics. He thought maybe he knew the direction back, now that hed paid attention to the sun and thought hed figured out which way was north, so he decided to start walking. He figured he only had to go about 3. He thinks about walking at night to avoid the heat and sun, but based uponhow dark it actually was the night before, and given that he has no flashlight, hes afraid that hell break a leg or step on a rattlesnake. DB/images/9780545345002.jpg' alt='Big Nate From The Top Book' title='Big Nate From The Top Book' />So,he puts on some sun block, puts the rest in his pocket for reapplicationlater, brings an umbrella hed had in the back of the SUV with him to givehim a little shade, pours the windshield wiper fluid into his water bottlein case he gets that desperate, brings his pocket knife in case he finds a cactus that looks like it might have water in it, and heads out in thedirection he thinks is right. He walks for the entire day. By the end of the day hes really thirsty. Hesbeen sweating all day, and his lips are starting to crack. Hes reapplied the sunblock twice, and tried to stay under the umbrella, but he still feels sunburned. The windshield wiper fluid sloshing in the bottle in his pocket is really getting tempting now. He knows that its mainly water and some ethanol and coloring, but he also knows that they add some kind of poison to it to keep people from drinking it. He wonders what the poison is, andwhether the poison would be worse than dying of thirst. He pushes on, trying to get to that small town before dark. Books to Die For 2012 Top Suspense Writing Crime Fiction 2012 Mickey Spillane on Screen 2012 In Pursuit of Spenser 2012 Mens Adventure Magazines 2004. Two Rothschilds And The Land Of Israel, Simon Schama. SECRECY IS THE HALLMARK of the Jewish Rothschild Dynasty. But I, Brother Nathanael Kapner, a former Jew, am. Cast and crew details, reviews, plot summary, trailer, and discussion forum. The Signal and the Noise Why Most Predictions Fail but Some Dont alternatively stylized as The Signal and the Noise Why So Many Predictions Fail but. By the end of the day he starts getting worried. He figures hes been walking at least 3 miles an hour, according to his watch for over 1. That means that if his estimate was right that he should be close to thetown. But he doesnt recognize any of this. He had to cross a dry creek bed a mile or two back, and he doesnt remember coming through it in the SUV. He figures that maybe he got his direction off just a little and that the dry creek bed was just off to one side of his path. He tells himself that hes close, and that after dark hell start seeing the town lights over one of these hills, and thatll be all he needs. As it gets dim enough that he starts stumbling over small rocks and things,he finds a spot and sits down to wait for full dark and the town lights. Full dark comes before he knows it. He must have dozed off. He stands backup and turns all the way around. He sees nothing but stars. He wakes up the next morning feeling absolutely lousy. His eyes are gummy and his mouth and nose feel like theyre full of sand. He so thirsty that he cant even swallow. Big Nate From The Top Book' title='Big Nate From The Top Book' />He barely got any sleep because it was so cold. Hed forgotten how cold it got at night in the desert and hadnt noticed it the night before because hed been in his car. He knows the Rule of Threes three minutes without air, three days without water, three weeks without food then you die. Some people can make it a little longer, in the best situations. But the desert heat and having to walk and sweat isnt the best situation to be without water. He figures, unless he finds water, this is his last day. He rinses his mouth out with a little of the windshield wiper fluid. Bon Jovi Free Midi Download Julio. He waits a while after spitting that little bit out, to see if his mouth goes numb, or he feels dizzy or something. Has his mouth gone numb Is it just inhis mindHes not sure. Hell go a little farther, and if he still doesntfind water, hell try drinking some of the fluid. Then he has to face his next, harder question which way does he go from here Does he keep walking the same way he was yesterday assuming that he still knows which way that is, or does he try a new direction He has no idea what to do. Looking at the hills and dunes around him, he thinks he knows the direction he was heading before. Just going by a feeling, he points himself somewhat to the left of that, and starts walking. As he walks, the day starts heating up. The desert, too cold just a couple of hours before, soon becomes an oven again. He sweats a little at first, and then stops. He starts getting worried at that when you stop sweating he knows that means youre in trouble usually right before heat stroke. He decides that its time to try the windshield wiper fluid. He cant waitany longer if he passes out, hes dead. He stops in the shade of a largerock, takes the bottle out, opens it, and takes a mouthful. He slowlyswallows it, making it last as long as he can. It feels so good in his dryand cracked throat that he doesnt even care about the nasty taste. He takesanother mouthful, and makes it last too. Slowly, he drinks half the bottle. He figures that since hes drinking it, he might as well drink enough tomake some difference and keep himself from passing out. Hes quit worrying about the denaturing of the wiper fluid. If it kills him,it kills him if he didnt drink it, hed die anyway. Besides, hes prettysure that whatever substance they denature the fluid with is just designed to make you sick their way of keeping winos from buying cheap wiper fluid for the ethanol content. He can handle throwing up, if it comes to that. He walks. He walks in the hot, dry, windless desert. Sand, rocks, hills,dunes, the occasional scrawny cactus or dried bush. No sign of water. Sometimes hell see a little movement to one side or the other, but whatever moved is usually gone before he can focus his eyes on it. Probably birds, lizards, or mice. Maybe snakes, though they usually move more at night. Hes careful to stay away from the movements. After a while, he begins to stagger. Hes not sure if its fatigue, heatstroke finally catching him, or maybe he was wrong and the denaturing of the wiper fluid was worse than he thought. He tries to steady himself, and keep going. After more walking, he comes to a large stretch of sand. This is good Heknows he passed over a stretch of sand in the SUV he remembers doingdonuts in it. Or at least he thinks he remembers it hes getting woozyenough and tired enough that hes not sure what he remembers any more or ifhes hallucinating. But he thinks he remembers it. So he heads off into it,trying to get to the other side, hoping that it gets him closer to the town. He was heading for a town, wasnt he He thinks he was. He isnt sure any more. Hes not even sure how long hes been walking any more. Is it still morning Or has it moved into afternoon and the sun is going down againIt must be afternoon it seems like its been too long since he started out. He walks through the sand. After a while, he comes to a big dune in the sand. This is bad. He doesntremember any dunes when driving over the sand in his SUV. Or at least hedoesnt think he remembers any. This is bad. But, he has no other direction to go. Too late to turn back now. He figuresthat hell get to the top of the dune and see if he can see anything fromthere that helps him find the town. He keeps going up the dune.